Bugs this bunny…

Today I feel irate, so I take to the internet for some venting. Let’s get some background info: ever since Mike and I have been back in Finland I’ve been pretty depressed. This is not new, as I’ve been so since I was 14 – old hat, first world problems, existential woe etc etc. However things have gone so downhill that my ability to function is lowered itself to a level where I’ve so far quit about two jobs as I was miserable and exhausted in them and at the moment working only part-time hours whilst ‘seeing people’ for these woes. Whilst I like to contribute my woes usually to my inability to deal with life events, feelings and negative emotions in a constructive manner, today I woke up just feeling angry. My anger condensed itself down to a shining resentment diamond representing the clarity I suddenly have about one thing: it brings a man (woman/ prefer not to say) down to not be appreciated. I’ve just now (the cogs they turn, slow) realised how big an effect a lack of recognition of skills can be. Let me explain further, and tell you that this sobstory does not concern but me…I sorta feel this is an issue this country needs to address for others like me too.

I left Finland a year after finishing high school. In the year I completed a lower college course (HNC level) in Communication and Journalism. However all my Higher Education I completed in Scotland. I have an HND in Sociology/Media studies, a Master of Arts (Hons) in Philosophy and a Post-Graduate Diploma in Community Learning and Development. Before I came over to Finland I was working in HE  – at the University I completed my MA/PGDip at. Today I am a personal assistant (ie lowest level care worker) – a job I am grossly overqualified for. There is a discrepancy partly caused by the fact that a lot of the jobs I am in the eyes of the UK qualified to do (social education-y, community work-y, youth work-y stuff…) in Finland require a qualification from a Finnish Applied Sciences University (or AMK in Finnish). In fact, at a couple of interviews I have been invited to (did not get the job, quelle surprise!), the interviewer has recommended I apply to a Finnish institution and get a local qualification.

Here I was thinking spending almost 10 years abroad was an asset. Here I was thinking the fact that I pursued studies in a country I didn’t  know anybody in (actually, the first time I visited the UK was when I arrived to start my studies in September 2002), and independently established myself as a productive, functioning member of that society (ie working and paying taxes, volunteering and doing other stuff to intergrate myself) was kinda cool. Here I was thinking that getting a 1st in a Continental Philosophy Dissertation in a language that wasn’t my first, or to be thought of as a local after becoming so fluent in English that I could totally get away with being ‘Scottish’, was sorta neat.  Apparently not so. Extensive voluntary and paid experience in mental health work, community work, working with young people, people with a wide range of disabilities means little cos I can’t add ‘Sosionomi AMK’ after my name, or a similar Finnish title. Makes you feel a bit disheartened. I sure was, perhaps more than I realised before today. I’m prone to thinking very little of myself anyway, and I feel the last 8 months or so in this country have done no good for how I feel about my abilities. Of course, as you are the hero of your own life, you have the power to change and other self-help phrases ad infinitum, I don’t want to blame ‘the system’ about sinking into a bluer place…but it is what has happened to me.

The government offers an option where you can undertake a process to get your foreign qualification recognised in Finland. The process currently takes around 3-4 months to complete from sending in the forms, costs 238 €, and there is no guarantee, of course, of its success. So far, out of principle, I have refused to fork out such money, as I think the system is discriminatory and I shouldn’t be the one to pay, but my principles are fading in time….the form is sitting on my desk, half-filled in. Maybe I’ll send it off someday soon.

What bugs me a lot about all of this though takes me back to early 2012, when, in my last job in Scotland, I was reading through and provisionally scoring applications to said University from Finnish applicants. Bearing in mind it is not the biggest or most famous University in Scotland, the amount of applications (over a hundred), was impressive. Some of those who had applied had the correct grades and/or experience and therefore had a chance of getting in. What then becomes of these kids? They will get the exciting opportunity to study abroad for a degree. They’ll grow in worldliness and as people, which is all very good and recommendable in my opinion. But if they choose to come back to Finland to work, how will they fare? Kids are pushed abroad by establishing internationally-minded high schools here there and everywhere in this country…yet when these kids want to return and give back what they’ve learned on their world tour, the doors start closing. I bet they don’t all realise how hard it can be to return when they’re bubbling with the excitement of leaving their small home town for London, Edinburgh, Dublin etc. My irateness I guess is combined with concern for these younglings.

I’ll work it out…anger and annoyance is a good thing. In fact, feeling any sort of feeling is a good thing. Evenings are getting less and less dark, I am growing in energy slowly, and soon I hope to pursue what I believe belongs to me – a job that employs my skills and experience and makes me feel good about myself and the work I do. I hope there will more discourse on the issue of acceptance of foreign qualifications in Finland, and I hope the system will change. Maybe someone will write a well-researched article on this…my ramblings here for sure are incoherent. Perhaps to be continued some day, stay tuneage

Yours,

picalilly

Telly Addicts – A pop culture exploration by Mike.

Lately my life-force has been sustained by whatever happiness nutrients I can suck from a routine of fluctuating shift patterns and too little sleep. In the bizarre twilight world I inhabit every other week I find myself turning more and more to that latter day opiate of the masses, the television set, for distractutainment purposes.

While I’m a big fan of a lot of TV, some of the programmes you all watch these days trouble me. I’ve chosen four of these to look into in an effort to understand them and, by association, my fellow humans. The shows I selected are all from the United States and of the ‘comedy’ genre, two of which I’d heard of, two which I hadn’t.

Programme 1 – The Big Bang Theory.

Premise – Some people are nerds – deal with it.

Cast – Peter Tork, a 1970′s racist cartoon depiction of an Indian, an Asperger’s sufferer who can only convey the emotion of smarm, forgettable other guy and a stereotypical air-headed blonde woman.

Pecentage watched – 100.

Laughs – Zero.

A guilty secret of Pihla’s is that she’s watched The Big Bang Theory through choice in the past so she guided me through my first proper experience. While, in times of emotional crisis, the utterly insipid nature of the smash hit TV sensation has a distracting and relaxing effect on her it left me feeling numb in more of a spree killing than calm way.

A favourite of a lot of people I worked beside in Scotland, this is the only of the four I had any prior experience of as snippets of it often soundtracked my violent staff room fantasies. I honestly tried to approach it with an open mind but after about 2 minutes (of a typical episode I’ve been assured) I had made up my mind that I hated it more than life itself and a short while later I was staring through the screen like it was a defective magic eye picture. By the end the only feature that registered on a conscious level was the canned laughter track, which went apeshit throughout, as my train of thought led me through all the mistakes and regrets of my past.

Programme Two – Don’t Trust the B…. in Apartment 23.

Premise – Classic odd couple scenario, in this case a psycopath and a naive small town gal find themselves living together in New York City.

Cast – Zooey Deschanel badly painted onto a stick, Dawsons Creek, stereotypical airheaded blonde woman.

Percentage watched – 100.

Laughs – One, but in response to an unrelated matter.

The problem with this show (besides the dreadful writing, wooden acting, far fetched plot devices and absence of humour) is that between the characters there’s a grand total of no redeeming features.

Imagine Seinfeld if Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David had been lobotomised and Kramer was replaced with a common or garden sex offender. Some drugs references were thrown in to make it seem edgy but all in all it was by the numbers crap. The best thing I can say about it is that it came and it went and I didn’t turn it off.

Self Inflicted Punishment 3 – Two and a Half Men

Premise – Not entirely sure. But from what I gathered it has a coastal setting and is about two middle aged men, one of whom is a hit with the ladies.

Cast – Charlie Sheen and Duckie off of Pretty in Pink.

Percentage watched – About 15.

Laughs – One, but it was to disguise a sob.

Since I don’t live in a cave (I used to live in a flat that resembled a cave but it had an internet connection) I’m aware that A; TaaHM is awful, B; TaaHM is very popular and C; Charlie Sheen is insane. Putting these 3 elements together I made the Holmesian deduction that B must be the result of a bizarre synthesis between A and C. Confusing, then, to discover that the show is nothing more than a laughter track triggered by a (possibly sedated) Mr Sheen’s every action (such as the raising of eyebrows or, in one case, a distinctly uncomedic opening of a door).
After a few long minutes it got turned off and feelings of anger and embarrassment were replaced by a deep, lingering sadness.

Number four – The Carrie Diaries

Premise – Irritating narrator from Sex and the City and her inflated sense of entitlement travel back in time on an ill equipped cash cow.

Cast – Stereotypical airheaded blonde girl, stereotypical teenage rebel, others too many and uninteresting to note.

Percentage watched – 50.

Laughs – None. Pretty sure this isn’t supposed to be a comedy though.

I’ve actually witnessed a couple of the sagas of Horse Face, Old Slapper, Butch and Dullard so despite never having heard of this tie in series before, I had some basic and low expectations (which were more than met) and approached it with suspicion. This is a prequel, set in the ’80s, wherein we follow the adventures of a young Horse (who is, confusingly, still in school despite being about 60 in the original series). I lost interest very quickly and threw in towel at the half way point. Out of the four shows watched this seems the most likely to be axed after one series, lacking, as it does, the collective lack of charisma that made Sex in the City so special.

Conclusion – Just don’t.

Mindsprings, 1/2013 edition

Today’s MindSpringer is local auteur Michael a. Lennie, interviewed by Randulph Possum

Randulph: Hello Michael! How are you?

Michael: Hi Randulph, nice to meet you. I am fine, how are yourself?

R: Enough about me, let’s hear about you. How is 2013 treating you so far?

M: Quite good. I am entering into the year of optimism, although things haven’t really settled down yet so I don’t really have a ‘feel’ of what the year is yet. But I can’t complain and I aim to attack it from a positive angle.

R: Very good, very good. And are you happy with how last year was for you?

M: Very happy with last year. There were ups and downs as there are in all years, but I did a lot of things I’d wanted to do. At the end of the year I also felt my life was in a place I was happy with for the first time in a long time.

R: Great. Tell me one memorable moment from 2012?

M: Just one? There were many to choose from! It’s very very difficult to choose just one…ehm…ummm…you don’t have to write down all of the ehm ummm parts by the way. Let me empty my mind and see what pops into my mind. It was quite early last year but I guess the moment when myself and my partner, lover and moral compass in life, Ms P, booked our world tour of the world and went to a local establishment for a celebratory drink. It was then that I had hope of escaping my shitty shitty job and life for at least some time. Everything I had planned was slowly coming into life and adventure was afoot!

R: Tell me a bit about your plans for 2013…

M: More travelling would be nice, both internationally and in Finland. Because although 2012 was really nice for the most of the year I was unemployed and panicking, whereas this year financial restrictions will hopefully be lesser so I can get to know my adoptive homecountry better. I also hope to gain some hobbies and do creative things, which I feel was missing from 2012 to some entext due to the aforementioned financial restrictions. I also have some things to cross over from my Things to do before you’re 30 list, so if you can find me a Colombian passport, a unicorn and 2 Puerto Rican strippers that would be great.

R: Chuckle, chuckle…ooh Michael, you’re a character!

M: So I hear.

R: What is time?

M: It is not but a lense through which we use to understand the human experience.

R: Poetic. And finally, who do you think would win in a fight, a one-legged Sean Penn or a moomintroll?

M: A moomintroll, even if it was a two-legged Sean Penn. Their ferocity and sadistic nature wasn’t really touched upon in the kids stories.

R: Thank you on behalf of MindSprings.

M: Thanks for having me, it’s been educational for both of us I’m sure.

One is the loneliest number.

Summarise my past and present…it’s 1999 y’all better recognise. My aspirational and achieved top 5s of 2012/2013, in no particular order, by Pihla

Top 5 things I remember from 2012 (everyone who knows me well knows that I have a bad memory, so to remember anything is a feat)

1. The way a duck’s beak feels against your hand when it’s reaching for a bread crumb, on a beach, in NZ

2. Coming out the railway station at 11pm in Sydney on our first day in Australia, it’s a humid jungle with skyscrapers

3. Sailor Jerry & Diet coke chat hours in the Art Bar/Counting House

4. The day we found a beach near our new flat in the wild and fearful kingdom which we now call home

5. Listening to Childish Gambino on my way to Tesco

Top 5 jobs I had in 2012

1. Project Officer, University of Dundee

2. Support Assistant, Helsinki City

3. Teaching Assistant, as above

4. Substitute Teacher, as above

5. Primary School Resource Teacher, as above

Top 5 things I did when I wasn’t working

1. Watch endless tv programs and films on my laptop

2. Sleep

3. Go to the library and take out books I would never read

4. Go to pubs (Scotland) drink at home (Finland)

5. Despair

Top 5 things I should do more of/do better in 2013

1. Play the piano

2. Sing

3. Make collages and other assorted creativity nonsense

4. Put more energy in facilitating the drama group I facilitate

5. Write – drama, poems, songs, my autobiography

Top 5 things people remember about me

1. Glasses

2. Sour face (people I don’t know)

3. Dimples (people I do know)

4. My name, wrongly/mis-pronounced

5. Body of a goddess, ass that just won’t quit (probably)

Top 5 food/drink items I miss from Scotland

1. Tesco Macaroni Cheese in a tin (don’t judge me!)

2. Tunnocks Teacakes (milk chocolate is the best but I’ll take others too)

3. Sailor Jerry Rum

4. Tesco’s own brand sugarfree energy drink

5. Tattie scones

Top 5 things I know about myself

1. I can assemble an Ikea set of drawers all by myself

2. If there are more than 1 cat in any given house, my allergies get intolerable

3. I am bendier than the average man and can acquire most yoga moves without problem

4. I do not like beer and I will never grow to like it either

5. I have a vitamin B12 deficiency and ought to do something about it

Top 5 expressions I like to use

1. Such a friend! (usually about dogs, cats and other cute pets)

2. Happy-making. Things can sometimes also get unhappy-making

3. We’ll see how it transpires…

4. Ya bish (not entirely in my vocab yet but I’m aspiring to using it on the regular)

5. I despair!

Top 5 famous people I am jealous of for their talents

1. Miranda July

2. Tina Fey

3. Donald Glover

4. David O’Doherty

5. John Hawkes

Top 5 things I want to achieve in 2013

1. Find my calling in life

2. Fix my ailing brain

3. Visit at least 3 countries

4. Write a reasonable song

5. Play it live and not fuck it up completely

O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum!

So… It’s that time of year again. Peace on Earth, goodwill to all humanity, chestnuts roasting on an open fire, It’s a Wonderful Life etc etc. And as we sit here reflecting on the year gone by, over generous helpings of hernekeitto and lonkero (don’t worry, all will be made clear when we get round to posting our comprehensive guide to Finnish cuisine…), we thought it apt to give you all the gift of a little Christmas update.

As you’ll know if you read our Recyclable Living post, we’re really into the idea of freeganism but too lazy to commit to it full time (fregitarians, if you will). As you’ll also know if you have a basic understanding of western winter traditions, it’s customary to have a decorated evergreen tree in your home for a couple of weeks each year. Throw these two elements together and you have all the background story you need for this, our Festive Guide to Christmas Tree Success!

According to some incredibly half hearted internet research there are over 77 BILLION trees in Finland. Try really hard to picture that… Now that you’ve failed, and had your melon twisted by such an incomprehensibly large number, you’ll be less saddened by the news that one of them is now slowly dying in the corner of our living room.

Here it is…

As you can see, we freed ourselves from the shackles of accepted practice and kept the tree and the fairylights as two separate entities.

Run out of baubles? Don’t worry about it, just get some old lightbulbs, add a bit of string and Bob’s yer Geldof.

Remember when you were a kid and school was awesome just before Christmas because you got to watch Jumanji and make paper snowflakes instead of doing maths? Well it turns out those skills can actually come in handy in adult life…

And if you benefited from a first rate Scandinavian education you can get even fancier with your paper crafts…

See?

Still a few bare looking boughs? Chuck some jewelry on there.

Who cares if it looks a little ‘costumey’? It’s Christmas!

And of course, what other way to finish things off than with a traditional treetop angel? Don’t be spending all your hard earned cash on those overpriced trendy ones from the Apple store, let your inner child loose with some wrapping paper and an old toilet roll tube!

And there you have it. Hope you found it funducational!

Have a great Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza (or whatever it is you celebrate) and a great 2013 (or whatever year it is according to your calendar).

Lots of love, P & M. xx

Musings of an adult returner, #1

Seeing as Mike’s lamented on his journey in this strange and foreign land, I (Master P), might as well do similarly. Here are a scattering of thoughts and feelings re: paluumuutto Suomeen.

When I departed 10 years ago, I was a painfully shy, introverted, poor self-esteemed seed of a human. Scotland made me who I am today – marginally less so of all the things mentioned above. For this I am eternally thankful to Caledonia. You honed me into the present me during these important formative years of young adulthood. My time was filled with experiences I doubt I could’ve experienced if I’d stayed in Finland. In a way, coming back feels like a slight betrayal. Like I’ve abused Scotland for all its resources, then coldly tossed it away like a used johnny bag. But alas, it had to be done! Living in Dundee had become depressing beyond my wildest dreams.

Now then, after 6 months in Helsinki, it is just the same? Things haven’t been easy, I will tell you that. I have experienced a reverse culture shock of coming back to things I wanted to leave behind 10 years ago. Bringing a lad with me, I have felt personally responsible for every bad experience Mike has had in Finland, like the whole country and its misdemeanours against my man are my fault just because I share the same nationality. The rudeness of people makes me embarrassed, as does the stupidity of some of the bureaucratical insanity involved in getting “into the system”. Immigration en masse is still relatively new to Finland, and the resistance to it of some minorities is absolutely ghastly. Don’t tar me, International Pihla, with that brush! I love different cultures and people!

Simultaneously, I find myself strangely unable to really believe that there could be something ‘faulty’ about this country. Like, all the downsides like rude, small-minded people, are just ‘foreigners not understanding the unique Finnish way of communication properly’. Like it’s not that people mean to be mean, they are just misinterpreted, right? I guess if I truly admitted to myself that not everything is great about Finland, I would not be at home with the thought of settling there, especially with someone ‘foreign’ who now has to be subjected to all the terrors of this country. But every single country has its flaws – Scotland certainly did, yet I love it dearly. Finland can be the same, and I can accept it with its pros and cons can’t I?

As I write this, I can see the garden of  our cosy house filling with snow – what seasonal idyll!  Coming back has also meant coming home to some really basic pleasures in life: nature, seasons, family, a house that stays warm during -15C! Life has become, I guess, a bit more adult in nature – I find enjoyment in going to the library, being good at my job, spending time with family, going for dinner at a friend’s house, nesting. Somehow, the ‘boring, adult’ things seem easier to do in Finland. Maybe it’s because a carefree party lifestyle is slightly frowned upon and if you sit in pubs during the week you’re an alkie. Maybe it’s because I, like all the world, gets older by the day and different things appeal to me. Saying that, we have had some crackin conversations with the residents of the bars of Kallio – an experience I warmly recommend to everyone who is that way inclined.

I wish this piece had a theme like Mike’s, but it doesn’t, and I’m bored of writing now. I’ll continue again perhaps, with new thoughts on this strange northern snow nest. We’re thinking of getting a dog, but we also want to tour South-East Asia. That’s all you need to know, the rich tapestry of life, ah!

The Things I Found In Finland.

 

It’s just gone six months since our trans-European flit. The timewater that’s flowed under the lifebridge since then has seen us experience (and often repress) the full spectrum of human emotion, bask in +35C heat and tighten our scarves against temperatures 50 degrees lower. It’s seen us almost lose our minds at the hands of convoluted bureaucratic procedure and marvel at such excellent standards of public services that, when you compare them to those in Scotland, leave you with no choice but to repeatedly smash your face into the nearest wall. Like all good adventure stories there’s been drama, high tension and moments where it looked like all hope was lost but, as the imminent apocalypse draws near, things are looking pretty good in the Aaltonen-Lennie camp. We’re both working, taxpaying (1%), members of society. Pihla is an official member of the best education system in the World and I’m no longer living here illegally (and have the paperwork to prove it).

So without further ado, we’ll take a little look at the locals in part one of Mike’s, Slightly More Informed Than it Would’ve Been a Few Months Ago, Guide to Finland.

1. THE FINNS;

Up until I met my first Finn I was largely unaware of any Finnish stereotypes and, given that the first handful I encountered had moved abroad to study/work, and therefore embodied a relatively adventurous spirit, I took their stories of a nation of dour, introverted people with a pinch of salt. I suppose all generalisations stem from somewhere though and, it has to be said, folks here are noticeably more inward looking than they are in most other places. Even just visiting Finland for a few days you’ll quickly see where jokes like ‘How do you spot an extroverted Finn? They look at your shoes when they’re talking to you’ and ‘Nokia invented text messaging so the Finns wouldn’t have to speak to each other’ come from. Small talk at shop counters is practically unheard of, recent attempts to get directions from four separate groups of people were met with looks of fear and quickened pace and, in about twenty encounters with our next door neighbour we’ve only managed one, mumbled, reply to our greetings.

It’s easy to write the Finns off as downright rude and, I admit, I sometimes get frustrated and am guilty of this myself. There’s more to it than a nationwide lack of manners though, the best explanation I’ve heard of the Finnish nature is that whereas in most places it’s considered polite to say hello to a neighbour or colleague, over here it’s seen as more polite to leave them in peace. I can understand this to an extent – everyone, at some point, has pretended not to see someone they sort of know in order to avoid an awkward stop and chat. Over here it seems to be the norm.

The concept of awkward silences doesn’t seem to exist here, which I like, and conversations with Finns flow very differently to the back and forth shite talking sessions I’m used to. Questions like ‘How are you?’ or ‘What’ve you been up to?’ are often answered at length as it’s presumed that by asking a question you want an answer and not just to break the ice. They’re also very undramatic as a people, case in point – a few months ago a guy shot his dad dead in the city centre. The event was reported on the news as having caused ‘some mild panic’ (sadly, gun crime is pretty high here and no doubt, in part, due to people’s unwillingness to talk to each other).

However, the Finns I’ve met properly have been universally warm, welcoming, lovely people and it’s not fair to tar them with the introverted, miserable brush without giving them a liberal coating from the bright, talented and modest ones. Things that seem extraordinary to a dirty foreigner like me, such as building your own summer cottage or sauna building, seem to be almost a rite of passage over here and the majority of people have DIY skills reserved for stars of terrible daytime TV programmes in the U.K. I’ve also met a remarkable number of people who run marathons as a recreational activity which just does not compute in my brain. Basically, what the Finns lack in communication skills they make up for in almost everything else.

In summary – The Finns, great bunch of lads. Aw the best!

 

 

The geography of fear – a mild urban exploration

a man views an inanimate object to be a suction cup for feelings, to attain an air of unhappy memories, regrets and frustrations. today i proved myself wrong on the matter by taking part in some urban exploration (apparently any unused building/structure these days counts as UrbE…apologies if you dear reader do not find it so)

front gate fear factor: 2/10

fear factor at main courtyard: 3/10

front door fear factor drops to zero

peekin’ inside, looks cosy. zero fear!

look at that, isn’t that lovely!

bye bye, abandoned building. (later on i found it actually houses a kindergarten somewhere in its side wing, isn’t that nice!)

If I named this post what you thought I should name it, those googling a certain aussie indie band would find themselves on the wrong page, outraged

I went a-wonderin, near my home hoods, and found some cool buildings and ting. The autumn was colourful, my walk to the library enjoyable. Sometimes Finland seems alright indeed.

Autumnwatch 2012 by TV’s Bill Oddie

If you’re like me (B. Oddie) you’ll love nothing more than watching the slow, melancholy slide of a beautiful summer into the long, bleak, darkness of winter. Here are my highlights thus far!

The first leaf to fall. And what a belter it was!

A Pixie’s eye view of proceedings with Fungal foreground.

This is my best friend, Tom, out on his midnight jog.

 Forests are great for birds at this time of year. This one was a bit spooked by my camera/primal scream therapy though.

More mushroom action. A real ‘fun-guy’!

That’s all from me folks, see you in the Spring!

Bill (Oddie).